Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
