how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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