So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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