i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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