She's JV to your varsity
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
