It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
