i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
