i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
