im drinking this country out of the recession.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
