When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
