oh god the rape fog is back!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
