So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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