I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
