We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
