Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
