Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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