He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
