meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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