Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
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We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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