he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
