Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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