Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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