tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
