Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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