you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
