Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
