worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
