Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
