May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
