its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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