What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
