tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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