Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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