what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
