I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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