Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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