my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He passed out mid-signature
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
