I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
