Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
