i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
