she woke up with a sticky ear
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
PANTIES FOUND
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