Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
