Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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