Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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