id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
