she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
