Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
