She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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