Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My vagina just clenched in fear
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
