Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's shark week go big or go home
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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