alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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