we have pet lesbian snakes
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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